What is a Deathday?
- 4 min reading time
Around here, “Deathday” is the term used to mark the day someone dies; the Day of their Death, and then that date every year. The concept is the same as the day of birth becoming a person’s “Birthday” and then celebrated every year after. Easy, right?
Why celebrate a Deathday yourself?
I find the anniversary of a death is a good time to check in with yourself about your grief, on purpose. It's a focused time to think about what happened. Even if it’s not conscious, our bodies and minds know that an emotional event happened during this season and may show signs of stress or fatigue. Often, acknowledging the loss makes you feel better. That was a hard time, it might still be a hard time, but I made it through last year, and I’ll make it through next year.
It’s also a great time to remember your relationship with the person who died, on purpose. What are your favorite memories with them? What were their favorite foods? What activities did they enjoy? Were they known for certain sayings or habits? Talk about them with someone and keep your memory of those things alive.
It might also feel good to review what has happened in your life over the past year, on purpose. Are there times where you felt like the person was there, even though they are not around anymore physically? Which events do you feel like they missed out on? Were there some things that happened that made you think, “I’m glad (loved one) isn’t here or they would have lost it!”
These intentional reviews can be very cathartic. Hopefully, in time, they even become a comfort to you.
Some people think it’s morbid to celebrate the day someone died, others think it’s too sad, and continue to celebrate the person’s birthday instead. Some cultures celebrate all their loved ones who have died on one day instead of a specific day for each person. There is no wrong or right way to acknowledge death, but I do encourage you to find something that works for you, a conscious practice that enables you to release some grief when needed.
What is a Deathday Card?
As you may have guessed, our company focuses on sympathy and encouragement cards. A Deathday Card is different from a traditional sympathy card in that it’s made with colorful or bold graphics, simple text, and uses direct language over euphemisms. Oddly comforting, each card is inspired by a genuine experience and aims to provide a meaningful moment of comfort for someone experiencing grief. (Check out our company story here.)
Why send a Deathday Card to your People?
Because death and grief are a part of life! In the United States alone, approximately 8,000 people die every day. Globally, it’s nearly two people per second. And yet going through it can make a person feel so completely alone. When the death first happens, loved ones may feel support from their friends, family, and community, but by the yearly anniversary, that support has likely dwindled or disappeared entirely. Acknowledging this anniversary for your loved ones is such a special way to show up for them, and can cause a real sense of healing, support and validation. (Check out our collection of anniversary cards here.)
Caveats…
I’m not saying you need to celebrate the deathday of everyone you’ve ever known for the rest of your life. Much like a birthday, some people have large parties, some people prefer a quiet night in. For kids, you might understandably want to make a big fuss. Every. Year. Period. When it comes to yourself, celebrate the deaths that you want to, for as long as you want. For your people, I advise you to at least send a card on the first anniversary, and probably the second year as well. When it comes to holidays where you know your person just FEELS it (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas), maybe it’s the next 5 years, maybe forever. I can’t give you the right answer. I can only encourage you to try it out and gauge their response. My work is to give you the right card.
As for me, my grandma died over 15 years ago on December 17th, a month after her birthday on November 17th. Since they are so close together, I pick one or the other to celebrate, and most years I still do something small. It reminds me that I can still feel connected to her whenever I want. (I spotlighted her on one of my favorite cards, here.)
Let me know in the comments if this resonates and if you have a yearly habit to celebrate your loved ones who have died.
Talk soon,
Lindsay
